Pretty Funny

So I am sitting here watching John Stewart making fun of the media coverage of Anna Nicole Smith. Is he a little late or what? Good ole rebeleyeball started off on this last week. I knew he was stealing my material. Everyone steals my stuff, man. I am thinking about getting Sirius satellite just to see how much Howard Stern has been ripping me off. You know "The King of All Media" ran out of original ideas about five years ago. Uh ... just kidding Howard. I still want to write for your show. Listening to the sound bites is completely unbelievable. We know more about ANS than we know about Iraq. Where is the media frenzy and all the different imagery from out Asian outposts? Why are we allowing this crap? You all should email the cable networks and tell them to give us real news. I know I won't.

Hear ye, hear ye

I got absolutely nothing to say. Can you believe it? I have been ignoring this blog for months. I even tried to apologize. But that didn't help. It just sits out there mocking me. Taunting me. It visits me in my dreams and laughs at me because I have nothing interesting to say and even if I did nobody is reading anyway. Not exactly what I had in mind when I started blogging over a year ago! Holy cow, I've been doing this for over a year. Damn, ya'll been reading this enough to keep me motivated for over a year? Guess I not as sad as I thought.

I changed my mind

I started out writing a blog about our pathetic president and the war. Then I went, eh. It's obvious that not many people actually give a shit. So why yammer on about a topic that bores people stiff. Instead I decided to bore you stiff with another rambling post that doesn't have a specific topic. You know what I mean, one of those riveting posts in which I absolutely astound you with my command of the English langauge. A brilliant morsel of prose that is not only interesting but educational as well. Yes, that is what I will do in this post. I will careful select each word to craft a simulating web of text that will sweep you off into a euphoric state of well-being. Prepare yourself to be completely wowed by my towering linguistic mastery. Have you prepared yourself? Nevermind, I am going to bed.

Car Troubles

Driving sucks. Seriously. Think about how much time we spend in our cars. In order to cut down on that complete waste of time, some of us take matters into our own hands. What I mean is, we tend to cut corners. Some of us ignore speed limits, others refuse to heed solid white lines, yet others tend to roll through stop signs and some of us literally cut corners. So there I was, running late again. There were like fourteen cars in line on front of me in the left turn lane. The most irritating thing in the world is when the arrow finally changes to green and each car in front of you waits until the car in front of them completely executes the turn before they move their foot from the brake to the gas. AHHHHHHHHH! That morning, I just couldn't take any more. Instead of keeping in line, I decide to make my move. Without hesitating, I shot into the Exxon station on the corner, hit the gas, jumped the curb, tore through the lot and shot out the other side directly into a cement truck. In spite of the fact that I was pronounced dead at the scene, they rushed me to the hosipital to see if I could be saved. But it was to no avail. Services are to be held Thursday at the Eagles Airie #417 with a viewing/dinner to follow at the Peking King Chinese Restuarant.

In case you missed it

There were other big news stories today, but you would never know it if you relied on network and cable news outlets. At seven o'clock this morning, I turned on MSNBC and the lead story was the untimely death of Anna Nicole Smith. Wanting to see what else was happening, I switched to NBC, Anna Nicole Smith. ABC, CBS, CNN and Fox News - same story. Give me a freaking break would ya? Nothing against Ms Smith, in fact, she was one of my favorite playmates. But please, there are important things going on in the world that actually effect the lives of thousands of people. How can we continue to pay so much attention to this kind of stuff, the OJ trial, the Peterson Trial, the missing girl in Aruba, the lady that drowned her kids, Jon Bonet Ramsey? Come on people, start demanding that the media cover real stories and ask real questions. For instance, at 8:00 when I was in my car listening to NPR they had this story as the lead: (AP) A "very damning" report by the Defense Department's inspector general depicts a Pentagon that purposely manipulated intelligence in an effort to link Saddam Hussein to al-Qaida in the runup to the U.S. invasion of Iraq, says the chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committee. Don't you think that is a little more important than having all three networks and the three major cable news stations running ANS as the lead story? Some us have been saying the White House was doing this before the war. But many of you were following these non-stories to sit up and take notice. We, all of us, allowed our country to go to war based on this. What are we going to do about this? I'll tell you, nothing. Why, because no one listened then and no one is listening now. Here's another interesting tidbit, yesterday another helicopter "crashed" in Iraq. It was the fifth helicopter in two weeks to "crash". After the initial announcement of the "crashes" the army reports that they were due to enemy fire. But the media continues to call these "crashes" as if they are accidental. In every other war, these helicopters would have been "shot down". There is a big difference between hearing a helicopter "crashed" and that a helicopter was "shot down". When they "crash", we start think that the military doesn't have a very good safety record without much thought of what is going on there. When in fact, our troops are fighting a WAR. And we as a citizenry have no idea what is going on and worse, we do not care. I gues it must be too difficult to think about the war while you are worried about making a living or taking your kids to soccer practice or watching fluff news. But it is our responsibility to stand up and demand that we are informed to what is really going on in the Mideast and what these guys that we voted in are doing. Please, I am begging you, do something. Call your Senator and/or Representative and demand full disclosure of all the info leading up to the war and since.

So much going on

Have you missed me as much as I have missed you, my lovely little blog. Please don't cry, I didn't mean to ignore you. Come on, please? Dry those eyes. Your know I still love you, just sometimes the rebeleyeball has to go to work. Yes, I do know how tough it is on you. But at least you get to hang out with all the other blogs online while I am busy working. Yes, I do to work. What? You think I stay at the office just so I don't have to see you. Are you serious? Think about what you are saying? There's a much higher speed connection at work. Don't you think I'd log on to see you there if I had even on second to spare? What's that? Uh...well...jeez...sure I checked my stats. But come on - it only takes a few seconds to check stats. Whoa, where did that come from? Yeah, you wish I was looking at porn at work. I know what you are thinking. If I got caught looking at porn at work, then I would get fired and I could spend all day with you. That is simply ridiculus. One of us has to make money. You've been hanging out on the web for over a year and how much have you brought in? I'll tell you, $6.86 from Adsense. Ha, that's a laugh. None of the people that spend time with you are going to buy Web Site. There all a bunch of broke-ass losers with nothing to do but ramble around the web reading people's blogs. They haven't read a decent book in years even though they could easily download a version of Web Site for just a couple of bucks. So, no. You do not get credit for any of the book sales since they all came in from Paul Gavin's Blog. Oh all right, so two people that book books came from here. So, you get credit for $4.00 in royalties. But don't get all puffed up about it. You've had almost 10,000 visitors and you have managed to generate almost eleven bucks. Oooh, maybe we can order a pizza. Paul Gavin's Blog has only had about 4,000 visitors and has far outpaced your contribution. Oh, wait, stop. I didn't mean it. Your right, it is about more than just the money. I didn't mean to be so cruel. It's ... it's just ... well ... you know. I miss you so much and I get very orny when we don't get to spend time together. I'm here tonight, so let's put the past couple weeks behind us and just enjoy our time together - okay? Yeah, I love you, too.

Super Blow

What a first quarter? It was high energy, sloppy with turnovers and just one penalty. Then what the hell happened? It was a blow out that wasn't a blow out. Did the Bears really belong there? And was that really the Colts? Jeez, every Adam Viniteri missed a freaking field goal. Seriously, the game was worse than one of my blogs about dirty words. Or maybe this blog. Ugh...do I really want you to read this? No, I don't. So here's what you need to do - immediately click on your browser's back button or the "Next Blog" button and get out of here while you still can. Do it quickly before you accidentally read more of this drivel.

Dirty Words - OMG!

Oh my goodness, I had no idea that there are blogs out there that actually have cursing on them. I am shocked, I tell you, SHOCKED! Apparently, there are several people out there that were offended by my little tirade against the media talking heads Wolf Blitzer is a big fat pussy. Seems that using "pussy" and "bullshit" in the same post is way too much for some people. Although I do ascribe to the notion that profanity is the fall back for the inarticulate (some what), there are times when obscenity is necessary. Like in the case of making the point that in this particular circumstance Wolf Blitzer, is in fact, a big fat pussy. Additionally, almost anything that comes out of Dick Cheney's mouth is sheer and utter bullshit. It doesn't really surprise me that people are offended by dirty words. Nothing new, really. But what gets me all fired up about this is the people that complained. If you have noticed, I am part of a link exchange called, interestingly enough, Link Referral. If you don't know about it, the deal is that you improve your ranking by visiting and reviewing sites. Anyway, this dude reviews my site and gives me a 4 (out of 5) on content because he "... didn't like some of the bad language." So, I go to his site and it's supposed to be a comedy site. Two of the main sections are called "Hilarious Videos" and "Hilarious Photos". Both sections have subsections of "Fat People". Oh, so you're telling me "Mr. Funny" that a few words offend you and yet you can have entire sections on your site to publish pictures of obese people so you can point and laugh? To me, demeaning people and calling it humor is much more offensive than swearing. Yet it is perfectly acceptable for "upstanding, moral" people like you to behave in this manner. Fat is not funny, get it. You would never have a funny section on "Cancer Patients" and laugh at their medical condition. Your assumption that fat people are funny because it's their own fault is completely flawed. Obesity is a medical condition just like cancer. Some, maybe even most, obese people are that way do to their lifestyle choices. So are some, maybe even most, people with heart problems, cancer, AIDs or just about every other disease. Why don't you make fun of their conditions? Because it's offensive. And a hell of a lot more offensive than some fucking swear words.