Some thoughts

For most of my adult life, I have had a very strange ability to see into the future or a least I thought I did. No, not like some cheesy medium bull. It's not like I have premonitions or anything like that. It’s just that I have always had a very good idea of what I wanted to do with my life. Couple that with my ability to work diligently to fulfill those goals and - voila – I could see into the future. When it comes down to it though, it’s just been luck. Luck that I had a father that taught me to set goals. Luck that I had discipline instill in me from a very young age from both my parents. Luck that I some how managed to survive the stupidity of my late teens and early twenties. Luck that I didn’t ruin my marriage with the stupidity of my late twenties. Luck that I didn’t contract a terminal illness. Luck that things worked out exactly the way I planned. But right now, actually earlier this evening, it hit me – I have no idea what the future holds. Zero. And I felt … relieved … completely at peace. It was a very strange feeling, I tell ya. Here I have spent my entire life chasing the next goal, pushing, reaching, and stretching for the next thing. Not like material things, my life goals have never been financial motivated. There I was, driving home from the gym and I realized that I was actually living and thinking about things that were occurring in that very moment. No work, no plans for the weekend, no big plans for trips to foreign lands, no wondering about the next milestone, no milestones at all. Wow, how absolutely liberating. Then it really hit me. I have been operating like this for a very long time. I just didn’t realize it until today. How can you? In the world in which we live with all the hidden and not so hidden dangers, how can any of us possible believe that our plans mean anything? Life has to be right here, right now – to borrow a line from Sammy Hagar. Nothing else matters. Then in the next moment, the last moment didn’t matter and the next moment doesn’t matter. The last moment it gone, the next moment may never come. Being a pragmatist, I realize planning is pretty important. Imagine how irritating it would be to try to get together with friends if every one lived just in the moment. Imagine how difficult it would be to eat, if you didn’t “plan” on going to work. So, I will definitely plan to go to work tomorrow and at least 5,000 more tomorrows to continue to live in the style I have become accustomed. Also, there are things I want to do in my life, but the attempt to control the course of events now seems so silly. Ah, control issues … that a whole other story … More stories from Paul Gavin. Info on novels Paul Gavin's Storefront. Technorati Tags: Fiction, Online Book, Chapter, rebeleyeball, Paul Gavin IceRocket Tags: Fiction, Blook, Chapter, rebeleyeball Copyright (c) 2006 Paul Gavin. All rights reserved.